What would it look like for us to see past certain behaviors in order to seek to understand a person? On the surface, many times we see quirks, addictions, and personality traits and we evaluate them at face-value. I used to get confused and frustrated when a participant would start storytelling, when it was obvious to me that these stories were made up.
I didn’t know how to respond.
Over time, I began to understand the different ways that people respond to the trauma they experienced in life. Lies and manipulation are a huge part of survival in the life. Sometimes, they would have had to use these tactics to satisfy emotional and relational needs and desires such desiring to be wanted, loved, or cared for. In the midst of my frustration, I was reminded of this when a coworker reminded me, “Their stories serve a purpose for them.” I had to retrain myself to think and respond differently to these behaviors.
On a particular car ride one day, two things happened when a participant shared a story with me. The first was my newfound ability to see through the foggy details in order to ask the question, “What purpose is this serving her right now, true story or not?”
The second thing that happened was a softening of my heart to hear deeper. I heard her heart. I heard in her a desire for the innocence of a child. The freedom of a child.
It was a bittersweet moment. It’s exciting thing to see her operating in the purity of her heart’s desires of freedom and innocence and at the same time, hard to know that some details are more desires for her life than they are realities of her past.
This has really helped me to understand how Jesus looks at us and how we should look at others, not just those who have escaped modern day slavery.
It’s so easy to make judgements at face-value. It’s easy to stop at the behavior and say, “They shouldn’t…”
Praise the Lord He doesn’t stop there. He sees how we are all broken, and sees that who we are goes deeper than our behaviors.
What would it look like for us to see past the behavior to seek to understand what purpose it may serve that person?
What brokenness or emptiness are they trying to mend or fill?
What can we do to show others the love and care that they are seeking?
Direct Care Coach