Iowa Trafficking Hotline: 800-770-1650 or text "iowahelp" to 20121
National Human Trafficking Hotline: 888-373-7888 or text "Help" to BEFREE (233733)

Let The Screams Out

Let the Screams Out

It was merely a casual dinner date. Yet with a soul wise beyond his years, I knew I would glean a piece of treasure to keep from the conversation that would present itself that evening.

The treasure would come from an unlikely avenue. The painful grain of sand in an oyster kind of moment that would birth a shiny pearl-like gift.

We dined together, my husband, the wise guest, his two young offspring, and I.

I was taking in every minute of these little people since my little people all tower over me now. Dinner finished and the littles were raring to go so we trekked a couple of blocks to the park to play.







Soon, the mosquitos and the expenditure of energy was bringing the play-filled evening to a curtain call. Dad gave the littles the “ two more times down the slide” heads up.

Unexpectedly, one of those slides produced a fall in worn out littlest. She let out a, hold-my-breath-it’s-so-painful-cry, followed by a wailing sound after her little body toppled down the slide. Her Daddy picked her up as her sweaty little body shrieked with screams to let him know her pain.








Then the treasure came.

“Let the screams out,” soothingly spoke her daddy as she rested her head on his chest and he rubbed her tiny back with his strong preschool back sized hand. He repeated it in a calm, confident voice tone a few more times…

“Let the screams out.”
“Let the screams out.”

And treasure came down in this father’s little princesses deep pain.

She was comforted.


Allowed to feel her pain.

Her pain mattered to her father.


My deep and wide heart of passion in that moment did all I could do not be completely overcome in this deep moment of intimacy between a father and his in need daughter.

Did he know what he was doing?

Did he know how many lies he was warding off in his little girl, in that moment, and for all of her moments to come?

Did he know what truth and confidence the simple phrase and the secure hold was doing for the the brain and foundational beliefs about self sprouting and forming inside his little girl?

I saw it.

It was precious.





Soon her high decibel screams turned to quiet whimpers and a few sniffles until the screams had all been let out, the pain subsided, and she was able to move on.



Thank you wise dinner friend for allowing me to share in this moment that you may or may not even be aware of that was so impactful to see.

And then I ponder this up against the young women we support at Wings of Refuge and all of us who have been scammed or told our screams are not to be heard, our pain is not to be known, shown, or told…

All the pent up screams stuffed down deep that were never allowed to be let out.

The lies that instead became a trump to the needed scream;cry…

“Your fine”…

“Knock it off”…

“You’re making a big deal out of nothing”…

“You better stop crying or I will give you something to cry about”…

“You scream I kill you”…

“You scream I will beat you harder”…

“You scream and you will never see your family again”…

“You scream and you will never see you friends again”…

“Stop your crying”…

“Nobody believes your screaming anyway”…


For many the screams have been pushed so far down it’s hard to know the path to them.

I have had the humble and sacred honor of seeing a few of the survivors healing at Wings of Refuge find their stuffed down screams and begin to give their hearts permission to feel the pain and allow the tears to come. In those moments when she has enough courage to let go of numb, let a few brinks from her wall of protection fall down, and connect to her pain even if only for a moment are some of the bravest moments I have seen our participants have.

It is then that our loving staff can say the words just like this Father said…

It’s ok to let the screams out…
It’s ok to cry…
It’s ok to not be ok…
It’s not your fault.

I’ve witnessed a participant say, “It’s not my fault,” as the tears now unlocked came freely out…

That is power.

Sometimes I get angry because she was so little when her screams came. The screams are still from an innocent heart now carried around in a grown up body.  

I would have done anything to have held her in those scary scream filled moments…

Sometimes I become weary because the locked up screams are everywhere…

And yet there is a hope that is so beyond and has nothing to do with me…

For all of the princesses out there who’s screams were…




You need to know it’s ok to let the screams out.

There is a Father who will hold your pain filled heart and body while you wail.

His name is Jesus and he is the savior for all scream stuffers who will call upon his name and let their screams out to him.

Take as long as you need.

He will pick up your tired out, worn down being and hold you in His strong, safe hold.

He will gently, rub your shaking back and calmly and confidently validate you to let your screams out.

All of them.

Until your screams turn to whimpers and a few sniffles and the pain subsides and you are able to move forward.

Your pain matters greatly to him.

He will put everything on hold just to HOLD YOU.(tweet this)

It’s ok sweet girl,







“Let the screams out.”

“Let the screams out.

“Let the screams out”…..

He is the Father of compassion, the God of all comfort. He consoles us as we endure the pain and hardship of life so that we may draw from His comfort and share it with others in their own struggles. -2 Corinthians 1:3-4The Voice (VOICE)

February Fundraiser

Wings of Refuge presents “A Magical Winter’s Night” fundraising event at the Highland Golf Club in Iowa Falls, Saturday, February 28th. Doors open at 5:00 p.m.

Ticket price of $50 includes entertainment, a delicious buffet and a magical evening. Anyone attending will have the opportunity to purchase magical keys to a treasure chest for the chance to win diamonds and collectibles. Comedian and magician David Harris, two-time Midwest Regional Emmy Award Winner, will amaze you with his magic and keep you laughing throughout the evening. This is an event you do not want to miss!

Tickets are available at Highland Golf Club, Green Belt Bank & Trust, Ackley State Bank, Iowa Falls State Bank and Reflections on Riverview.

Wings of Refuge is a Christ-centered organization in Hardin County which provides a restoration home for girls who have been rescued from human trafficking. The average age entering prostitution in the United States is 12-14 years old. Human trafficking is one of the fastest growing crimes in the world. It is second only to drugs and rising quickly. You can help put an end to this injustice! Support Wings of Refuge so exploitation ends for one more girl by attending “A Magical Winter’s Night.”

For more information contact Joy Fopma, Development Director, at or call Donna Robbins at 641-648-3361.

Choosing Up

A slam poetry based on Luke 7:36-50 The Voice (VOICE) 

Terminology to help you out:

  • Choosing up: Going with a new pimp
  • In the life/in the game: being commercially sexually exploited
  • Pimp: Someone who has the control of a human to use them for profit by selling them to others for sex
  • Square: Anyone not in the life/in the game
  • Out of Pocket: Doing something that is not allowed in the life, disobeying your pimp
  • L7: Another way to say square, or close to being square
  • Renegade: Someone who prostitutes their body and is not under the control of a pimp
  • Trick/john: someone that purchases another human for sex

He was there
on a perfectly planned square night
L7 all around
In the accustomed to them way
So foreign to me
Laying on their bellies
Arms propping up their chests
Reclining forward
at the low table
His feet
the first my eyes spotted
the closest access I had
to Him
I still can’t believe I’m here
doing this
It feels reckless
But then it always feels reckless
Reckless is familiar
Not comfortable
So hoe I go, crashing the square party
Tonight I am so done
It’s do or die
I’m out of options
As if they ever existed
For me
or so it seems
I walk in
All eyes are on me
the town b%$#
Some I recognize
So soon as our eyes connect they quickly look away
blood running to cheeks they are
to see me here
playing their square game
I wonder inside
Are they shaking now
the way they have so often made me shake
So much in me hopes so
But that is not why I am here
Barging in
Not this time
I walk
I make my way
Hurdling over the reclined
At the square table
I make my way
To him
And it’s instant
I’m choosing this
I’m choosing Him
Throat swells
I can’ speak
There is a lump cutting off my airway
Felt this before
The squeeze of evil hands
Tightening of rope fibers around my neck
There’s none of that now just the feeling
What is constricting me?
Yet I walk
Unhesitating steps
Eyes focused
Clinging tight to my jar in hand
This jar
So much
The one thing that has kept me alive
To this point
A friend gift
The only friend
He never cheated me
Sold me
Exploited me
Used me
Friend gift
And yet it is the very object
The very thing I fill to entice
My perfume
In my treasured friend gift
The intoxicating aroma
Guides the paper to my hand
Seal the deal
Roll it through
From him to me to him
Different scents have filled
Have aroused
Different aromas
Just like me
Different names
Different ages
Different characters
On point every time
Best actress I know
Am I
Who Am I?
Am I?
True me blurry
Dead sometimes it seems
With still a heartbeat
With still a plastered on smile
To allow you to be OK with me
Cover up
So my pain doesn’t destroy me
So I don’t see my pain written on your face
Because then I too might see it
Feel it
Don’t cry
It’s what I know
I arrive reckless me
In the middle of square
At his feet
Throat constricted
Lump bulging
And instantly
I fall
To my knees
The lump
So quickly
And there is born
Oh God I feel weak
He won’t choose a weak willed B#$$%
I try so hard to stop
The harder I try the worse it becomes
Like a dam broke
It damn broke
I am hear with my enemy tears
That wants to have me
And have me they do right here
In my reckless decision
To choose up with Him
And instinctively I begin
To do what I know
What I am programmed to do
What used to be a fight is not robotic
I am enticing him
His feet
Hopefully faster than my tears are falling
I hate kissing
Cheap pretend
That leads to the same empty dream
Every damn time
Countless times
And yet I kiss
On his feet
And I begin to wipe
Weak tears falling
Off with my hair
My hair
My other enticing tool
How many have touched it
For their gain
Combed through it with selfish hands
Brushed it off my face
To view slit skin
Purple bruises
Now it’s here
Like a linen cloth
To get rid of my flowing tears
Yet here I kneel
Then it clicks
In my head I have one more item
One more enticement
Glaring Piercing
I can feel
Heavy looks
Though I don’t dare look up
So well
To never look up
My hand identifies
The jar
I pick it up and dump every drop
On his feet
I am so out of pocket
Remaining here
Dumping oil
The aroma overtakes the room
Fills the room
And gains the attention of everyone
The scent takes my brain to the place
Where I recall how much it took
How many dates
It took to obtain this now spilled out liquid
Filing through my mind like a film
Of someone’s life
Other than mine
Then I recall why
I purchased the perfume
Someone saw
Someone told
I could choose
Out of the game
Out of the life
No square life
No fake L7
Something real
Something I had nearly given up on
Someone told
About Him
The aroma in the room over takes my memory and I am back in the present
Square party host opens his hot ego mouth
Says something about this daddy being a fraud
Saying if He knew who was touching Him He would have never let me near
Much less touch
Or Kiss
Oh god
I knew it
Too good to be true
Fairy-tale hope
Nightmare ending
That how it goes down
Every time
For me
Could I be so stupid?
I trusted the messenger
Who told me to come tonight?
Another fool choice
Did I make…
I am frozen
And I want to run
Mind battling
He speaks
Not to me
But to square host
And says
“Simon, I want to tell you a story”
Who has time for an f-ing story?
My ears anxiously anticipate
“Two men owe a certain amount of money”
Oh god here we go
In front of all the squares
The choosing fee
I just dumped the choosing fee
On Him!
And all that’s left is the scent of it
Filling up the party
I have nothing else
This is my end
Here tonight
Tricks laughing
daddy owning
Hoe guilty and ashamed
Yet He keeps talking
Continues the story
“One owed 100 weeks wages the other owed 10 weeks wages, both defaulted on their loan, yet the lender forgave them both”
What the?
He speaks
“Here is a question for you. Which one will love the lender more?”
Ego square Simon answers
“I guess the one who had the larger debt.”
And then He moves
Jesus moves
And looks
At me
Or at least I can feel Him looking
At me
Eyes still down
Still locked
In fear
Yet I have to
I must see Him
And my head edges up ever so slightly
Just enough to see his eyes
Oh His eyes
God his eyes
God’s eyes
Frightening as it was
Stilled the rage in me
Filled with wonder
They are staring into all I am
I am
Into all
I am
Intrigued I become
As they fix on my entire being
In the most unfamiliar of ways
Kind eyes
Dancing through me
Where I expected abuse
A tide turning moment
Eyes on me He speaks to Simon
The square party host
And says the line I will never forget
“Do you see this woman?”





He has it all wrong






Eye candy

Body parts for profit



Not woman

Or could it be?

He continues

“Do you see this woman here? It’s kind of funny I entered you home, and you didn’t provide a basin of water for me to wash the road dust off my feet. You did not give me a customary kiss of greeting and welcome. You didn’t offer me the common courtesy of providing oil to brighten my face. But this woman…”

There it is again


Heart captured

“But this woman has wet my feet with her tears, and washed them with her hair. She has not stopped kissing my feet since I came in. And she applied perfumed oil to my feet. This woman has been forgiven much.”

A third time woman

Laced with forgiven

It’s now as if he is the one pouring healing oil

Down into my dead places


“I tell you Simon, her sins; her sorrows are so many-they have ALL been forgiven-

She loves much

But a person, who is forgiven little, loves little.”

I’m trying to take it all in

The fact that Jesus

Just used me

The town eye candy

The town Saturday night satisfaction

The small town toss around

As an example of love


And he keeps going

His eyes still laser focused on me, unaware to the crowd all around

“You’re forgiven”


My heart is leaping

Like it found a rhythm that had long ago been lost

I am alive maybe for the first time

There is a rushing inside

Like a river flowing out

The grime






I chose up tonight

He cancelled my choosing fee

Unfamiliar feels good for the first time

Now I am not the only one astonished

L7 party turned forgiveness session

The rest are also


And asking

“who is this man that goes around forgiving sins?”

He speaks

“Your faith has healed you, freed you; liberated you, go in peace.”

That glimmer of believing in something I could not see


Led me here tonight

To choose up

For the last time

I choose the one

Who chose me first

He freed me

Gave me life




I am chosen

In a right way

Chosen for peace

To go


I am free

I am forgiven

I am chosen

And so I go

Not as a renegade

Not alone


Not without an identity

Not nameless

And YES with a daddy

Identifiable to someone





The God of all creation



Heavenly Father

That promises not to leave



And says to GO

Be free

In His peace

And I will recruit

Those who also have debts

And Lord knows we all have debts


That need to be forgiven

I will go in Peace

To those who need a barge in experience

With Jesus

That allows everything to change

That so desperately needs change

To be chosen

To belong


And to GO

When You Are Given a Front Row Seat to Freedom

It’s going to be one of those three + cups of coffee kind of mornings. This blog is long overdue and the words are about to explode out of my being; yet more than anything I would most likely prefer to avoid every single thought stirring and just push forward not feeling it all. Yet there is a story to tell and hopefully a cord to be struck within your own soul as my pent up words come spilling out today… For those of you who know me or who have followed the blog this has been a 7 1/2 year journey of learning to let go of the American dream for something bigger; something eternal. I mostly fight it tooth and nail but when the let go happens and the following Jesus, “No turning back,” attitude comes, its beautiful and a must share… to hopefully get the glory to Him, the only place I ever want it to go, and to also spur you, whoever you are on the other side of the screen, on to knowing Him, or sparking a curiosity in you to know Him more. Yea, so long story long, 7 1/2 years ago my life and dream got wrecked. It was hideously painful and I will spare you all the gory details but just know I had to learn to live again or maybe for the first time. I went from a flat on my face pile of sobbing tears on my bathroom floor, to step by step being able to pull myself up off that ugly linoleum and walk the 23 steps into the kitchen to put processed chicken strips on a baking sheet for my hungry also broken sons, to step by step this morning helping co-direct a ministry committed to the restoration of survivors of commercial sexual exploitation…AKA …Human trafficking, sex slavery, the game, the life…whatever you may name it. Exciting right…Amazing, huh! And so it is. Yet I need to make a disclaimer to avoid any kind of self glorification or feelings of inferiority… I’m a sinner and in those 7 +years I have made a lot of mistakes along the way. I have followed my will instead of His. I have judged. Cheated. Had a negative attitude. Taken my life and others into my own hands thinking I could do a better job than the God of the universe. I have trust issues which turns into wild acts of trying to control things around me and puts me into an exhaustive hamster wheel running of people pleasing. Yet thanks be to God. He does not give up on us. I have been marinated in his grace and it has sunk deeply into my DNA. He shed a lot of His own blood that has been poured down into my self seeking life. In repentance he dumps his boundless forgiveness out on me, undeserved as it is. It just flows and washes out all the muck and mire inside. And so with that said, the good news is… I am not disqualified! In his mercy He has offered this time to me and given me a front row seat to freedom. Freedom of my own soul to let go of fear and believe that I am capable of reflecting His glory in a mighty way with the fleeting time I have on earth, and the freedom of others who have been literally robbed of freedom through the enemy act of human trafficking. Best news… You are not disqualified either, the front row seat invitation is for you…. So indulge for a moment on what that front row seat to freedom has looked like over the course of the past year…. We found out about human trafficking through the video Nefarious: Merchant of Souls in January of 2013. We shared what we learned through social media. God was already stirring others hearts. The stirred hearts began to meet and pray. And pray. And pray. And become more educated through reading, internet, other organizations, conferences and training. Did I mention we were praying. A lot! Restoration. This is the call we received. We began exploring options from a soon to be vacant hospital for a home to acreage foreclosures. We began dreaming. Counting the cost. And praying. Over the course of the year we formed a board. Organizational structure within the ministry, spread awareness, continued to receive more training and reading anything And pray some more. In January, our board met for a retreat to do planning for the year. With the goal of not saying no when we received a call to take in a girl. And a goal of having our first rental home open by November 2014. It was in that weekend that God formed our WHY… So exploitation ends for one more girl. This statement is our driving force; something measurable. Something to keep us on track when our eyes get misplaced from the goal. This is what we decided we would celebrate. A Lot. And then late February the call came. Soon after we had the first survivor in our care. Living in a safe house. Months before our goal date. Our team came together and began the process. Learning and growing and depending hard on Jesus and His guiding to help us walk along side this precious heart and offer tools of healing and support to accomplish her life goals. And she changed us all. She is changing us all. What I can tell you is that having a front row seat to FREEDOM is incredible to watch the hand of God take a life and empower belief that you are are worth fighting for you are worth so much more than the dollars that rolled through your hands and into a pimp’s night after night…You are incredible…Smart.. and You have a huge gift to offer the world and it has nothing to do with your body..but instead you intelligence, your insight, and your heavenly design, your giftings and abilities, and your tenacious spirit! To see this heart come alive and see the strength in her to make daily decisions to stay in and do the hard heart work of breaking away from the life and finding new life mostly leaves me speechless. I thought I had suffered a lot in life. Endured a lot in life and I have. My story is my story and my pain; my pain. Yet to hear hers.. wow. Wow.. all I can say is… strong girl; strong heart… Mighty God! When you have a front row seat to freedom the view is breathtaking to see a laugh out loud innocence emerge A non fabricated confidence begin, life accomplishments that had once seemed buriend come to be, and a hope for a future of limitless possibiblities is incredible… Yet it’s hard hard because it takes everything. and its draining… draining to listen to the pain the enemy caused. I want to scream and yell and punch something for all the pain this girl has endured for all the misuse she has experienced. It’s exhausting to have patience on the days that the past creeps in and the reality of why life is here in Wings of Refuge has to be for now and to muster one ear and one eye fixed on Jesus and the other on the healing trenches your walking in with her. It gets hard on the days I wish I never would have been gifted with this burden that breaks the heart of my Father. The days when I wish I could not know how evil the darkness truly is. Hard when it requires our family to sacrifice what we do and where we live…. It’s hard because my humanity becomes so vulnerable when I’m putting it out there to speak and ask for networking, partnering, financial donors, prayer warriors, people to commit their time, their skills, their money to restoration..I see what it will financially take and what it will take for time efforts watching our whole team put on many hats and get exhausted burnt out and yet press on. Yet our tagline comes clear… And when you see that today it is ending…it presses you in hard to Jesus because you see the FREEDOM… You see that even if she were the only one you ever get the opportunity to walk alongside and offer support to that it would well be worth it all. Yet you press hard and you muster up strength with His spirit inside you to ask for another life and ask for the soon to be move in ready home to be filled with survivors quickly and for the freedom front row seat to continue. And you watch a long ago plan that you could have never concocted or never would have dreamed come into reality. You know that this is the one thing you were made to do. To reflect the Glory of the Lord to the World. It’s bigger and so much more than ending exploitation for one more girl. It’s all about Him. His glory. When you answer the call. Walk into the,”Count the cost and drop your net,” life. Then comes the opportunity to roll up your sleeves and be disciples with others. Experience their hearts and share in their joys and sorrows and give your resources together. See your weaknesses together and cling and grasp tightly on the promises of Jesus together. And you realize that it wasn’t just the greats of the bible…Noah, Abraham, Job, Paul, Ester, Daniel, and Elijah…that they were all in fact “Just like us (James 5:17) and His glory and plan and miracles; signs and wonders can come to being in our life here in the new millennium… Then you see it as a woman opens up her annuity and donates 10,000.00 An organization donates a service dog trained to serve those with PTSD A vet in the community offers his services A couple purchases a home and offers the rent at a drastically reduced rate and helps renovate it to be beautiful for the girls Women in the community design beautiful bedrooms and people in the community buy items to fill the bedrooms Phone call and e-mail requests flood in to come and speak because so many want to help Someone offers Eye Care in the community Dental Work Haircuts Counseling Services The hospital creates a task force to help you and has the entire staff trained on how to identify and care for a survivor. A a local business offers landscaping services Community members and people around the state come to trainings and have background checks and sign confidentiality forms and commit their time to mentor and volunteer in these precious lives You network with a ministry in New York City called Elegantees and they offer to employ the girls to sew out of the home their line of clothing that all goes to help survivors and give the girls an income and job skills. We receive notice of acceptance into a mentor-ship program from a national organization for programming and training resources, when we thought we would be on a waiting list for over one year. And the list goes on with so many hearts and hands joining into help end exploitation for one more girl…. All I did was answer the call to follow Him…. And the truth of scriture becomes reality… “But in the moment when one turns toward the Lord, the veil is removed. By“the Lord” what I mean is the Spirit, and in any heart where the Spirit of the Lord is present, there is FREEDOM. Now all of us, with our faces unveiled, reflect the glory of the Lord as if we are mirrors; and so we are being transformed, metamorphosed, into His same image from one radiance of glory to another, just as the Spirit of the Lord accomplishes it. II Corinthians 3:17,18 Welcome to the Front Row Seat to Freedom… How will you continue the story?

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PO Box 562

Iowa Falls, IA