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Let The Screams Out

Let the Screams Out

It was merely a casual dinner date. Yet with a soul wise beyond his years, I knew I would glean a piece of treasure to keep from the conversation that would present itself that evening.

The treasure would come from an unlikely avenue. The painful grain of sand in an oyster kind of moment that would birth a shiny pearl-like gift.

We dined together, my husband, the wise guest, his two young offspring, and I.

I was taking in every minute of these little people since my little people all tower over me now. Dinner finished and the littles were raring to go so we trekked a couple of blocks to the park to play.







Soon, the mosquitos and the expenditure of energy was bringing the play-filled evening to a curtain call. Dad gave the littles the “ two more times down the slide” heads up.

Unexpectedly, one of those slides produced a fall in worn out littlest. She let out a, hold-my-breath-it’s-so-painful-cry, followed by a wailing sound after her little body toppled down the slide. Her Daddy picked her up as her sweaty little body shrieked with screams to let him know her pain.









Then the treasure came.

“Let the screams out,” soothingly spoke her daddy as she rested her head on his chest and he rubbed her tiny back with his strong preschool back sized hand. He repeated it in a calm, confident voice tone a few more times…

“Let the screams out.”
“Let the screams out.”

And treasure came down in this father’s little princesses deep pain.

She was comforted.


Allowed to feel her pain.

Her pain mattered to her father.


My deep and wide heart of passion in that moment did all I could do not be completely overcome in this deep moment of intimacy between a father and his in need daughter.

Did he know what he was doing?

Did he know how many lies he was warding off in his little girl, in that moment, and for all of her moments to come?

Did he know what truth and confidence the simple phrase and the secure hold was doing for the the brain and foundational beliefs about self sprouting and forming inside his little girl?

I saw it.

It was precious.





Soon her high decibel screams turned to quiet whimpers and a few sniffles until the screams had all been let out, the pain subsided, and she was able to move on.




Thank you wise dinner friend for allowing me to share in this moment that you may or may not even be aware of that was so impactful to see.

And then I ponder this up against the young women we support at Wings of Refuge and all of us who have been scammed or told our screams are not to be heard, our pain is not to be known, shown, or told…

All the pent up screams stuffed down deep that were never allowed to be let out.

The lies that instead became a trump to the needed scream;cry…

“Your fine”…

“Knock it off”…

“You’re making a big deal out of nothing”…

“You better stop crying or I will give you something to cry about”…

“You scream I kill you”…

“You scream I will beat you harder”…

“You scream and you will never see your family again”…

“You scream and you will never see you friends again”…

“Stop your crying”…

“Nobody believes your screaming anyway”…


For many the screams have been pushed so far down it’s hard to know the path to them.

I have had the humble and sacred honor of seeing a few of the survivors healing at Wings of Refuge find their stuffed down screams and begin to give their hearts permission to feel the pain and allow the tears to come. In those moments when she has enough courage to let go of numb, let a few brinks from her wall of protection fall down, and connect to her pain even if only for a moment are some of the bravest moments I have seen our participants have.

It is then that our loving staff can say the words just like this Father said…

It’s ok to let the screams out…
It’s ok to cry…
It’s ok to not be ok…
It’s not your fault.

I’ve witnessed a participant say, “It’s not my fault,” as the tears now unlocked came freely out…

That is power.

Sometimes I get angry because she was so little when her screams came. The screams are still from an innocent heart now carried around in a grown up body.  

I would have done anything to have held her in those scary scream filled moments…

Sometimes I become weary because the locked up screams are everywhere…

And yet there is a hope that is so beyond and has nothing to do with me…

For all of the princesses out there who’s screams were…




You need to know it’s ok to let the screams out.

There is a Father who will hold your pain filled heart and body while you wail.

His name is Jesus and he is the savior for all scream stuffers who will call upon his name and let their screams out to him.

Take as long as you need.

He will pick up your tired out, worn down being and hold you in His strong, safe hold.

He will gently, rub your shaking back and calmly and confidently validate you to let your screams out.

All of them.

Until your screams turn to whimpers and a few sniffles and the pain subsides and you are able to move forward.

Your pain matters greatly to him.

He will put everything on hold just to HOLD YOU.(tweet this)

It’s ok sweet girl,








“Let the screams out.”

“Let the screams out.

“Let the screams out”…..

He is the Father of compassion, the God of all comfort. He consoles us as we endure the pain and hardship of life so that we may draw from His comfort and share it with others in their own struggles. -2 Corinthians 1:3-4The Voice (VOICE)

Joy Fopma

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PO Box 562

Iowa Falls, IA

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